Skinny does not equal happy:
How to shed shame, boost your confidence, and bring your full self to life
She was cast as a hippo in a ballet. She spent years chasing the body ideal that was unhealthy and unsustainable. Elyse shares what she learned on her journey as a dancer and fitness instructor about overcoming body shame, boosting confidence, and bringing her full self to life.
"The message that happy equals skinny was so ingrained in me," Elyse said.
Her mom has been on every diet, from the grapefruit diet to the carrot diet. Her grandma would look at Elyse when she was super skinny and light up: "You look skinny!" And when she didn't look super skinny, she would day, "You look... healthy."
When her grandma got tongue cancer and had only 1/3 of her tongue left and lost a ton of weight, she said: "It's the best thing that happened to me. I'm finally at my ideal weight."
Elyse has been a dancer since age 3. Leotards. Type casting for parts in a ballet about animals. She was cast as a hippo. She was not overweight, but she was curvier than other girls. She remembers that moment, looking around the room from inside the hippo costume... She remembers "a deep feeling of shame... Almost like everyone in the room knew something about me that I didn't know."
Her story brought up a memory for me. I was in a school gym class... Maybe I was 10, or 11, or 12... Looking around at all these naturally skinny girls in shorts. I was embarrassed to wear shorts. I felt my thighs were too big.
I was not overweight, but I wasn't super skinny. I remember sitting there on a gym wooden bench, uncomfortable in shorts, looking down at my inner thighs, lifting them off the bench and pressing them together, so they would appear thinner. When no one was looking, I would pinch and pull on the flesh, wishing it would go away, magically disappear, so I too would have the holy grail of a thigh gap... It was a deep desire, from the bottom of a child's heart.
Have you ever felt body shame? Have you ever judged another woman for the way she looked? (Maybe not out loud, but in your mind?) Have you ever judged yourself for not having "the right" kind of body? Have you ever judged yourself for judging other women?
Gawd it's been so messed up, growing up a girl in this f---ed up patriarchy.
Seriously.
So much healing for us to do.
Speaking of healing, in this episode, I share about my experience at Mama Gena's (www.mamagenas.com) Mastery weekend in NYC. If you don't know Mama Gena, give yourself the exquisite pleasure of discovering her blog and her books, and The Womanly Arts Experience. It will change your life. It has changed mine.
Tune in and hear all about it.
Along with Elyse's story of healing her own body shame, getting off the treadmill of that "body ideal" that she could never realistically maintain, and reclaiming her health, her beauty, her vitality... And her tips on how you too can bring your full self to life.
Oh, the sweet feeling of shedding the shame and feeling comfortable and joyful in your body!
Links and Resources:
Visit her website www.elysesparkes.com
Discover your Fast Track to Fit & Flexible www.elysesparkes.com/fasttrack
Learn how to create an effective at-home workout routine you’ll love (and want to stick to) with Mindful Fitness Coach, Elyse Sparkes.
Throughout this 2 week course you’re going to easily start working out at home, build strength, endurance + flexibility, and boost your confidence so you can be on the fast track to feeling great in your body and your mind.
Instagram: @elysesparkes
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elysesparkes.ignitehealth
Did you enjoy the show? Let us know your biggest takeaways in the comments.
If you like what we’re doing, please subscribe to #InChargeShow in iTunes and leave us a review and a 5-star rating, to help more women who won’t settle find us.
Follow the links to take the quizzes we discussed on the show:
www.yourtrueselfie.com
www.inchargequiz.com
In the free report at the end of each quiz, you’ll get an invitation to join our Facebook community. I hope you accept it.
I look forward to connecting with you soon!
Until then,
Stay in your heart.
xx
Valerie
In this episode, we talk about: body shame, skinny, happy, dance, body, weight watchers, anorexia, eating disorder, mindfulness, fitness, joy, workout, full self, deep listening, embodiment, confidence, mind, feel great, women, patriarchy, entrepreneur
Skinny does not equal happy:
How to shed shame, boost your confidence, and bring your full self to life
She was cast as a hippo in a ballet. She spent years chasing the body ideal that was unhealthy and unsustainable. Elyse shares what she learned on her journey as a dancer and fitness instructor about overcoming body shame, boosting confidence, and bringing her full self to life.
"The message that happy equals skinny was so ingrained in me," Elyse said.
Her mom has been on every diet, from the grapefruit diet to the carrot diet. Her grandma would look at Elyse when she was super skinny and light up: "You look skinny!" And when she didn't look super skinny, she would day, "You look... healthy."
When her grandma got tongue cancer and had only 1/3 of her tongue left and lost a ton of weight, she said: "It's the best thing that happened to me. I'm finally at my ideal weight."
Elyse has been a dancer since age 3. Leotards. Type casting for parts in a ballet about animals. She was cast as a hippo. She was not overweight, but she was curvier than other girls. She remembers that moment, looking around the room from inside the hippo costume... She remembers "a deep feeling of shame... Almost like everyone in the room knew something about me that I didn't know."
Her story brought up a memory for me. I was in a school gym class... Maybe I was 10, or 11, or 12... Looking around at all these naturally skinny girls in shorts. I was embarrassed to wear shorts. I felt my thighs were too big.
I was not overweight, but I wasn't super skinny. I remember sitting there on a gym wooden bench, uncomfortable in shorts, looking down at my inner thighs, lifting them off the bench and pressing them together, so they would appear thinner. When no one was looking, I would pinch and pull on the flesh, wishing it would go away, magically disappear, so I too would have the holy grail of a thigh gap... It was a deep desire, from the bottom of a child's heart.
Have you ever felt body shame? Have you ever judged another woman for the way she looked? (Maybe not out loud, but in your mind?) Have you ever judged yourself for not having "the right" kind of body? Have you ever judged yourself for judging other women?
Gawd it's been so messed up, growing up a girl in this f---ed up patriarchy.
Seriously.
So much healing for us to do.
Speaking of healing, in this episode, I share about my experience at Mama Gena's (www.mamagenas.com) Mastery weekend in NYC. If you don't know Mama Gena, give yourself the exquisite pleasure of discovering her blog and her books, and The Womanly Arts Experience. It will change your life. It has changed mine.
Tune in and hear all about it.
Along with Elyse's story of healing her own body shame, getting off the treadmill of that "body ideal" that she could never realistically maintain, and reclaiming her health, her beauty, her vitality... And her tips on how you too can bring your full self to life.
Oh, the sweet feeling of shedding the shame and feeling comfortable and joyful in your body!
Links and Resources:
Visit her website www.elysesparkes.com
Discover your Fast Track to Fit & Flexible www.elysesparkes.com/fasttrack
Learn how to create an effective at-home workout routine you’ll love (and want to stick to) with Mindful Fitness Coach, Elyse Sparkes.
Throughout this 2 week course you’re going to easily start working out at home, build strength, endurance + flexibility, and boost your confidence so you can be on the fast track to feeling great in your body and your mind.
Instagram: @elysesparkes
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elysesparkes.ignitehealth
Did you enjoy the show? Let us know your biggest takeaways in the comments.
If you like what we’re doing, please subscribe to #InChargeShow in iTunes and leave us a review and a 5-star rating, to help more women who won’t settle find us.
Follow the links to take the quizzes we discussed on the show:
www.yourtrueselfie.com
www.inchargequiz.com
In the free report at the end of each quiz, you’ll get an invitation to join our Facebook community. I hope you accept it.
I look forward to connecting with you soon!
Until then,
Stay in your heart.
xx
Valerie
In this episode, we talk about: body shame, skinny, happy, dance, body, weight watchers, anorexia, eating disorder, mindfulness, fitness, joy, workout, full self, deep listening, embodiment, confidence, mind, feel great, women, patriarchy, entrepreneur
Skinny does not equal happy:
How to shed shame, boost your confidence, and bring your full self to life
She was cast as a hippo in a ballet. She spent years chasing the body ideal that was unhealthy and unsustainable. Elyse shares what she learned on her journey as a dancer and fitness instructor about overcoming body shame, boosting confidence, and bringing her full self to life.
"The message that happy equals skinny was so ingrained in me," Elyse said.
Her mom has been on every diet, from the grapefruit diet to the carrot diet. Her grandma would look at Elyse when she was super skinny and light up: "You look skinny!" And when she didn't look super skinny, she would day, "You look... healthy."
When her grandma got tongue cancer and had only 1/3 of her tongue left and lost a ton of weight, she said: "It's the best thing that happened to me. I'm finally at my ideal weight."
Elyse has been a dancer since age 3. Leotards. Type casting for parts in a ballet about animals. She was cast as a hippo. She was not overweight, but she was curvier than other girls. She remembers that moment, looking around the room from inside the hippo costume... She remembers "a deep feeling of shame... Almost like everyone in the room knew something about me that I didn't know."
Her story brought up a memory for me. I was in a school gym class... Maybe I was 10, or 11, or 12... Looking around at all these naturally skinny girls in shorts. I was embarrassed to wear shorts. I felt my thighs were too big.
I was not overweight, but I wasn't super skinny. I remember sitting there on a gym wooden bench, uncomfortable in shorts, looking down at my inner thighs, lifting them off the bench and pressing them together, so they would appear thinner. When no one was looking, I would pinch and pull on the flesh, wishing it would go away, magically disappear, so I too would have the holy grail of a thigh gap... It was a deep desire, from the bottom of a child's heart.
Have you ever felt body shame? Have you ever judged another woman for the way she looked? (Maybe not out loud, but in your mind?) Have you ever judged yourself for not having "the right" kind of body? Have you ever judged yourself for judging other women?
Gawd it's been so messed up, growing up a girl in this f---ed up patriarchy.
Seriously.
So much healing for us to do.
Speaking of healing, in this episode, I share about my experience at Mama Gena's (www.mamagenas.com) Mastery weekend in NYC. If you don't know Mama Gena, give yourself the exquisite pleasure of discovering her blog and her books, and The Womanly Arts Experience. It will change your life. It has changed mine.
Tune in and hear all about it.
Along with Elyse's story of healing her own body shame, getting off the treadmill of that "body ideal" that she could never realistically maintain, and reclaiming her health, her beauty, her vitality... And her tips on how you too can bring your full self to life.
Oh, the sweet feeling of shedding the shame and feeling comfortable and joyful in your body!
Links and Resources:
Visit her website www.elysesparkes.com
Discover your Fast Track to Fit & Flexible www.elysesparkes.com/fasttrack
Learn how to create an effective at-home workout routine you’ll love (and want to stick to) with Mindful Fitness Coach, Elyse Sparkes.
Throughout this 2 week course you’re going to easily start working out at home, build strength, endurance + flexibility, and boost your confidence so you can be on the fast track to feeling great in your body and your mind.
Instagram: @elysesparkes
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elysesparkes.ignitehealth
Did you enjoy the show? Let us know your biggest takeaways in the comments.
If you like what we’re doing, please subscribe to #InChargeShow in iTunes and leave us a review and a 5-star rating, to help more women who won’t settle find us.
Follow the links to take the quizzes we discussed on the show:
www.yourtrueselfie.com
www.inchargequiz.com
In the free report at the end of each quiz, you’ll get an invitation to join our Facebook community. I hope you accept it.
I look forward to connecting with you soon!
Until then,
Stay in your heart.
xx
Valerie
In this episode, we talk about: body shame, skinny, happy, dance, body, weight watchers, anorexia, eating disorder, mindfulness, fitness, joy, workout, full self, deep listening, embodiment, confidence, mind, feel great, women, patriarchy, entrepreneur
Embodied and Empowered, with Angelina Lombardo
Listening to the body to find healing, purpose, and liberation
Angelina: Absolutely. That's definitely where the liberation lied for me going in. The body actually was an important role in the diagnosis. The diagnosis was for my body. My body had this illness. Where did I take that? What I had known before was that I was trying to live an authentic life, that I thought that being on the path of trying to develop myself. I believed I was doing the best that I can and I was. I absolutely was, but then the body comes into play, and because it had gone through so much trauma in the past there was a true disconnection.
Through that process I was able to come back together with the body, because I know that for me my body tells me everything. That's where that liberation for me, the anxiety where that lives in my body. What story does that tell me? Each day is different, so not getting it right is really important. Every day is about being right there.
VB: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. It takes a lot of wisdom to listen to your body. Of course with trauma this disconnection that you're talking about, yes that's what happens. The body is no longer safe to be in, so of course we flee. People think about trauma, a lot of people think about trauma like something, only something life threatening and huge.
I just want to communicate to all listening right now that there could be so many little traumas that you may not even remember, but your body remembers. Your body doesn't forget anything, and so when you find yourself anxious, when you find yourself hesitating before putting yourself out there in any way check in with your body with a lot of love and compassion.
Listen to that voice, listen where that anxious energy is, because it's trying to protect you from something that it's perceiving as dangerous. When we listen to the body it will tell us what we need to know. I would love to hear from you Angelina, what is your process of tapping into your body wisdom?
Angelina: You know there's not just one process. I know I actually went through several modalities during the process of healing. I think on a daily basis I would say breath is huge for me, and grounding my feet, legs. As we did before this interview is really my starting point to any moment I'm trying to connect to that, because for me like you said the body ... From a very young age my body was not safe to be in. I lived unembodied for a lack of better words, for most of my life. I work everyday on being embodied in everything that I do as a human being.
Instead of trying to enlighten and leave this planet, I'm here, I'm human, and I am spending everyday bringing myself back into my body. The breath and the grounding always is my first place to start. From there I'll listen. What do I need? Sometimes I need water, sometimes I need sound, sometimes I need essential oils, sometimes I need another voice, sometimes I need to speak my truth. I need voice, I need to be seen and heard. It's different, but that's the first place is that. Is the breath.
VB: I love it.
Angelina: Body scan.
VB: Breath. Checking in with your breath, connecting with your breathing, feeling your feet on the ground, and then scanning your body to see ...
Angelina: What it wants.
VB: To listen yeah. What my body needs right now. I love this respectful honoring attitude that you bring into the process.
Angelina: I believe really it's an integral part of being a human being.
VB: Yes. What you said, although people who are on the spiritual path we're all aware that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. It is so important that the human experience is in the body. It is through the body that we have it. Yeah. Some spiritual practices may bypass the body.
Angelina: Absolutely, absolutely.
VB: They situate in the mind, and that is so dangerous. I would even go as far as saying with some unfortunate situations with spiritual communities where abuse happened and unethical things happened, I would venture to theorize that it was because people were disconnected. The leaders were disconnected from their bodies, and they could not have an ethical relationship with the followers unless they were fully embodied. That's my take on that.
Angelina: Yeah, yeah. Well you know in trying to heal myself from a very young age I knew that I was in trouble. That was one of the places that I searched for, were other people, safe places. A lot of times those safe places just kept me very in my head with my mind. That's kind of how I worked my ... That's how I survived my life was thinking, and being on my toes, and responding. A chameleon. What does my environment need from me, and that's what I would do.
It would come from my chin to the top of my head. That's where it would happen, that process. I was never able to drop in, they were always giving me messages like we need to be enlightened. This is what we're doing on the planet is for love, compassion. It never recognized the human experience or the darker parts of what that was. It never allowed for me to be in the seat of that dark night at the soul, so to speak, even though I was already there on a continuous basis. It was a little ... It was great, because I obviously was able to see what was going on there and make the shifts.
Yeah, I agree sometimes those can be ... How do you say? It could prolong or cause ... Actually it caused more, it put more on top of what I already was carrying.
VB: Yeah. I have to agree with you there. There's a lot of secondary trauma that can happen.
Angelina: That’s it. That's it right there. Also therapy.
VB: I was just about to say, you took the words right out of my mouth. As a therapist myself and having been in therapy for years with different therapists I grew to recognize that, but I only grew to recognize it once I began learning from and practicing bringing together the mind, the body, and the spirit. Learning from the Pioneers of the integration models. Traditional therapy is completely disembodied. When I learned about therapy in both my masters and my PhD, well my PhD was different, but my Masters’ program at Columbia. The only time the body was mentioned kind of by implication was when they told us not to sleep with our clients.
<both laughing>
…
Did you enjoy the show? Let us know your biggest takeaways in the comments.
If you like what we’re doing, please subscribe to #InChargeShow in iTunes and leave us a review and a 5-star rating, to help more women who won’t settle find us.
Follow the links to take the quizzes we discussed on the show:
www.yourtrueselfie.com
www.inchargequiz.com
In the free report at the end of each quiz, you’ll get an invitation to join our Facebook community. I hope you accept it.
I look forward to connecting with you soon!
Until then,
Stay in your heart.
xx
Valerie
In this episode, we talk about: trauma, coaching, therapy, embodiment, anxiety, healing, women entrepreneurs, success, body, illness, liberation
Led to success, with Michelle Bridger
Spiritual practice for vision, clarity, purpose, and winning business decisions
How did you begin to discover your special gifts, your superpowers that ultimately fed into the business you created?
I think it was more that they were revealed. I really struggled with believing the lies that I'm not capable.
That was a big one for me. Feeling like I didn't have a lot to offer. It's been such a gift to be able to land in a place where I can see that I am capable, I have much to offer, I'm highly sought after. It's really been such a gift, but it is through that asking. I would go on those walks and be able to say, "I don't even know what I'd be good at. Show me what skills I have, show me how I was made, show me ... " Yeah, "Just show me what skills I have, show me what I'd be good at." I just didn't even really know.
I knew certain things, like I've always been really tenacious, I've always been a good researcher. I've always showed great initiative. I've always been really good at follow-through. There's certain things that I knew that I had, but in the bigger picture… to run a business… I wouldn't even had known where to start in the business. It was really through the process of asking, layer upon layer, that I was able to start seeing that what a gift being able to land in advertising field was and that I'm able to see things maybe that other people or ... that people appreciate is probably a good way to say it about what will work in advertising. What won't work. What to try. What not to try. And cut through the clutter of that. Does that answer your question?
Yes. Thank you. Again, asking, right? Asking and trusting what you're receiving. I know there are so many tools people use to find out about this strengths. There is the Strength Finder test, there are a lot of psychological assessments. Some people recommend asking people who know you very well to tell you what you're good at. These are all valid data collection tools, but I feel that the spiritual vehicle that you are describing, it just goes further. Even people who know you, and certainly the tests, they may be missing something, because they've known you up to now, but there is a bigger vision for you. Your life has a bigger vision for you, or God, in whatever way you conceive of that, and to tap into that bigger vision, we need a spiritual vehicle. Other people don't know that and certainly psychological or aptitude tests don't know anything about our bigger vision. All they measure is how to date we have been showing up in the world. There are so many ways in which we have not revealed our capacities and our greatness in particular areas. They're just waiting.
They're waiting, they're like little buds on trees waiting to blossom and sometimes invisible when you're asking for them to be revealed to you. This is so powerful. You're trusting it and then that self-talk, those lies, as you've called them, the lies about your own inaptitude and that, "Who do you think you are?" And, "You're not good at that," and, "You have nothing of value." Those lies get washed away, because it's the source that’s speaking to you. The source is not going to lie, it's not going to mislead you. In a sense, that's also a confidence fix right there and then, wouldn't you say so?
I would say do, yes. I loved the analogy that you used about the buds that there's hidden gems within all of us that we don't even know. What a shame it would be if that bud never opened.
I ask the same thing from my kids, reveal to them and to others what they're good at, because so often we think we're not good at very many things and we wouldn't want those buds to stay dormant and never be revealed. That would be such a loss.
It’s so important to stay attuned to the movements of energy within that want to push those buds open.
We can't block that and if we do, if we attempt to block that, then there are consequences that are difficult because life needs to find a way to bring us face to face with our gifts, regardless, so it's going to find a way. Sometimes it does take something devastating and life-altering, like a divorce or a health crisis. I see it a lot in the people I work with on the journey of transformation because they get on the journey, as you said, out of desperation. Desperation is such a powerful place.
Resources:
Visit Michelle’s website www.michellebridger.com
Claim your free gift at www.michellesfreegift.com
Get in touch with Michelle at michelle@michellebridger.com
Did you enjoy the show? Let us know your biggest takeaways in the comments.
If you like what we’re doing, please subscribe to #InChargeShow in iTunes and leave us a review and a 5-star rating, to help more women who won’t settle find us.
Follow the links to take the quizzes we discussed on the show:
www.yourtrueselfie.com
www.inchargequiz.com
In the free report at the end of each quiz, you’ll get an invitation to join our Facebook community. I hope you accept it.
I look forward to connecting with you soon!
Until then,
Stay in your heart.
xx
Valerie
In this episode, we talk about: God, Facebook, divorce, successful, mompreneur, entrepreneur, mom, business owner, building a business, Christian, success, spiritual, practice, vision, clarity, purpose, winning, making decisions